Roommate Etiquette for the Holiday Season

Festive fall and winter holidays are just around the corner! As you start thinking about how you'll be celebrating this holiday season, make sure your housemates are a key ingredient.

Specifically, it's important to think about the different holidays each of you celebrates and the related traditions. Maybe some of you have religious observances or long-standing family traditions. It's important to think about how you hope to celebrate and what that looks like in your shared living space.

Communicate Early and Often

Before any party planning or decorating happens, it's important to communicate expectations and lay some ground rules.

1. To Celebrate Together or Not

You may decide you'd prefer to celebrate separately, perhaps because you have different traditions, schedules, or friend groups. Conversely, maybe you decide to combine holiday parties and traditions. It can be a great opportunity to learn about and celebrate a holiday you're not familiar with.

2. Guest Policies

It's also important to make some group decisions around guests. Even if you share best friends, make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the number of guests, whether they can bring plus-ones, who might stay overnight, and how late the gathering will go.

3. Health and Comfort

Holiday gatherings often coincide with cold and flu season, so it's worth talking about everyone's comfort level before inviting guests into a shared home. Encourage guests to stay home if they're not feeling well, and discuss any other preferences your roommates may have for keeping shared spaces comfortable during the gathering.

It's also helpful to think about practical details such as ventilation, cleaning frequently used surfaces, keeping common areas tidy, and making sure guests understand which rooms or belongings are private.

4. Equitable Involvement

Lastly, if you decide to celebrate and host a party together, set a plan with your roommates to share responsibilities and costs. Parties can be a lot of work, and costs can add up quickly, so divide tasks such as shopping, decorating, cooking, hosting, and cleanup in a way everyone agrees is fair.

What's Proper Holiday Party Roommate Etiquette?

Just like every other day of the year and in every living situation, it's all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Living with others involves mutual respect and compromise, and the holiday season is no exception.

1. Respect All Holidays

As you consider the different holidays to celebrate, think about timing, both regarding your schedules and when those holidays fall. Maybe your roommate always travels at the end of the year, or you don't get as much time off work. Maybe one tradition is tied to specific dates, while another celebration has more flexibility.

Another thing to consider is decorations related to different holidays. Will a Christmas tree and a menorah be sharing your living room? Or will your roommate have free rein of the common spaces during Hanukkah before another set of decorations goes up later in the season?

Lastly, it's important to respect the traditions surrounding your roommates' holidays. A good roommate gives their housemate space and time for those traditions. You can also use the opportunity to learn more about the celebrations and traditions that are important to the people you live with.

2. Respect Common Areas and Belongings

This involves cleaning common spaces in preparation for the party, breaking everything down afterward, and cleaning up dishes, decorations, and other messes. That equitable roommate agreement above will come in handy if you and your roommates have different expectations around cleaning.

In addition to furnishings in the common areas, make sure you respect your roommate's personal belongings. Even if you're close, ask before borrowing a cocktail dress, serving platter, decorations, or anything else that isn't yours. And return it in the same condition, ideally without a red wine stain or cookie crumbs.

Lastly, make sure it's clear what food is up for grabs and what food is off-limits. This house rule is important year-round but is especially helpful this time of year when fresh cookies may be cooling on the counter or the pantry is overflowing with snacks and beverages.

3. Respect Your Neighbors

Particularly if you live in an apartment community, it's important to think about your party beyond your four walls. Your neighbors may have different work schedules, celebrations, routines, or expectations for quiet time, so be mindful of noise, scents, guests, and traffic coming in and out of your apartment.

Check your lease or community guidelines for quiet hours, guest policies, and any rules related to gatherings. If you're considering using a shared clubroom, rooftop, courtyard, or other amenity, check whether reservations or additional community rules apply.

How to Handle Disagreements with Roommates During the Holiday Season

Communicating honestly, openly, and early can help prevent misunderstandings, but disagreements can still happen. If a conflict does arise, focus on finding a solution that respects everyone's needs and works within your shared space.

1. Consider Compromising

If you can't agree on a theme, decorations, food, or another part of the celebration, consider meeting in the middle. Perhaps different areas of the apartment feature different holiday traditions, or you choose several appetizers that accommodate everyone's preferences within your shared budget.

2. Consider Alternating Weekends

If each roommate wants to host a party for different traditions or different groups of friends, consider picking different weekends. You may decide to make other plans during your roommate's gathering if you'd prefer to give them more space.

3. Consider Hosting Elsewhere

Your apartment community may have shared spaces that are suitable for gatherings, such as a clubroom, lounge, rooftop, or courtyard. Check the community's reservation policies and rules before planning an event. A local park, restaurant, or other gathering place may also give you more room while allowing your roommate to enjoy a quieter evening at home.

At the end of the day, the holiday season is meant to be a joyous, special time. If your recipe includes equal parts communication, respect, flexibility, and holiday cheer, celebrating with roommates can be merry and bright.